Wednesday 3 November 2010

The Truffle Shuffle (non Goonie fans look it up on YouTube)

On one of my many late nights working in the studio, there I was, freezing my tits off and totally forgetting that I had a heater, a working heater,  one that worked so well that if I had bothered to turn it on it would instantly save my man boobs from turning blue, when a thought crossed my mind (this happens quite often)..... I'm 38 years old and what happened to my childhood dream of becoming the Pilot of the Millenium Falcon and fighting Darth Vader?  As I was painting another piece of unloved furniture, and annoying the neighbours with my loud music,  I realised that I have become the 'up-cycling' equivalent of the Oliver Twist character 'Fagin'.  I find these scruffy waifes and strays (that's furniture, not children.... I'm not quite in the Paul Gadd league) take them back to my lair, clean them up and then make them work for me (sell them on for a profit).

It is quite satisfying when I get to see the joy on the new owners face as they hurry off out of the shop with their new purchase and as I stand on the drive waving goodbye, my eyes narrow, the pleasant smile on my face turns to a menacing grin and I rub my hands together at the thought of the hunt for my next victim.... again, I'm talking about the furniture.

But enough shop talk. Monday was our first proper day off for a while and we spent the morning delivering our new shop postcards. During my brisk walk around the neighbourhood I had an urge to get my mountain bike out and go for a ride, but as quickly as the enthusiasm came it soon disappeared when the thought of watching movies all afternoon, eating junk and lounging on the sofa had teased the energetic side of my brain into submission.

My poor mountain bike has spent this past year as a lovely tool prop in my shed. Instead of helping me get fit and lose a 'few' pounds It has also become a spiders playground, much to the disgust of all the sheds insects trapped in the silky webs.  The tyres are flatter than my jokes... If only my stomach was as flat as my bike tyres. Sigh.

A conversation with an old friend of mine reminded me of when as a youth (weighing 8 stone in wet clothes) I would consume 4 protein shakes a day and exercise with weights to 'put on' weight. Ha Ha Ha how times (or metabolisms change) now I'm older.  At nearly 16 stone (naked) I only have to look at food and my stomach sticks out instantly, just like Pinocchio's nose when he tells a lie. I often wake up in the morning to find my dog has climbed on to the bed and has fallen asleep with her head on my 'pillow' like belly.

So, I am making it my mission to try and get out on the bike at least once before christmas. There, I have typed it out for you all to be witness to that statement. I have to try and get fit, puffing and wheezing like a chain smoker whilst tying my shoe laces is not a good sign. My weakness is food and my lack of willpower is pathetic. The wife has suggested a diet, it was a good suggestion and I replied, with a mouthful of ice cream that i was eating at the time,  that "I shall do it".... although I followed that with a whispered "one day".

Since I have typed this short blog I have consumed two biscuits and half a bag, a large bag, of Flings (like cheese wotsits) and this is before I go pick wifey up from art class and come home to cook dinner. So you see, I have a problem, a big problem.... food!

Maybe I should have solid tyres fitted to my bike... At least they won't go pop when I sit on it next.

TTFN my lovely friends xx